The_first_look_at_my_life

Okay so my life has been a rough one, especially since I only had one parent to turn to my whole life.   My father passed away before I was even born. So if I was to sit back and tell you every thing that has happened to me, I would imagine that you would be in an extreme state of shock.  Knowing that something like this, could even be plausible in someone’s life.  My earliest memories I can remember is when I was like 5 or 6 years old.  I remember going down and asking my older step brother who was like 14-16 years old to help me put my stuffed animals on the top of the carpenter’s bed.   Which he understood I was too short to achieve that on my own, so he told me he would help me when he finished his room.  Which it took too long, his dad came home before he was finished.  I tried explaining and so did my brother that it wasn’t finished because I was waiting on help, but that didn’t matter.  I had to get punished for not doing my chores.  So he took his belt off and proceeded to smack my bare but until it broke, and when that wasn’t good enough he cut a part of a garden hose and proceeded to beat my butt more.  And if you are thinking where is my mom at the time, she was sleeping with my baby sister because she was only months old at the time.  So even when I wanted help cleaning my room when I did she couldn’t help me because she had to attend to my sister.  But after that bastard beat me to where I could not sit down anymore, I didn’t care I ran to my mom and cried to her begging her to leave,  I didn’t want to be there anymore.  So my mom decided to go with a plan of action that he wouldn’t know where she was going or who she was with.  Unfortunately for me she didn’t know what can of worms she was opening up for me.    last thought in there mind is that they’d have to teach their child at the age of 6 the rules of the ” birds and bees” speech.  I mean especially when it came to the new guys kids, she never thought that a 8 and 10 year old were capable of molesting and raping a innocent 6 year old girl.  That is every ones worse nightmare, but because I was already traumatized from one type of father figure in my life those boys knew to use my fear of getting into trouble against me.  Those bastards took advantage of that for 5 years, to the point where I started knowing what they were doing to me I didn’t care because I liked the feeling.  So here is an 11 year old girl that is already addicted to sex.   Eventually my mom caught what was going on and put a stop to it and had both of the boys removed from her home.  Everything seem okay for a couple years after they thought I got all the counseling I needed and the help I needed to cope with what happened to me all those years.  But she didn’t know what type of a monster the guy that she was living with, sleeping with,  trusting to be a father figure to her two little girls.  But I think I am going to save this nightmare for another blog.