The_start_of_teenage_years

Form being to the point where no one believed me, I began to rebel out against my mother and her wishes for me. I started to look for attention from the wrong type of people in my life. People being older guys that wanted me for my body and what I was willing to give away and not for who I really am.  I began to have sexual relationships with guys when I was in the sixth grade. I remember being the only 6th grader dating a senior in high school. I know sad isn’t it? But what my mom doesn’t know is that he probably could have gone to jail if she knew that we were having sex together and not just the innocent dating that she thought. I looked for that attention because that is all I knew,  he did care about me and everything but at that point I was too young for the whole committed relationship but I still was a one guy kind of girl. We never fought as far as I can remember. We also just hung out; it wasn’t all about the sex. But when him and I did break up I started dating his one kid that was my age but because he didn’t get what he wanted that he heard I was willing to give up and already did. This fucking low life piece of shit started a rumor about me that still haunts me to this day because people don’t know how to fucking grow up after their school years.  That is neither here nor there. So when I got tired of how the kids in my own school were treating me because of that cruel rumor he started I started dating guys that I met at my local skating rink. The one that had the most impact in my life was and is my son’s biological father. That’s right I got pregnant at the age 14 and had my first kid when I was 15.  But he wasn’t the best choice for me either. When I was trying to make up my classes for what I missed from being pregnant I didn’t have his support to watch our son while I did my home studies. So here I am trying to do my studies and do all the needs that my new born son needed. With him being born 2 weeks early he was born with jaundice, there were a lot of special needs he needed on top of the normal infant care. Also his father’s attention was more on his stereos and his needs before anything else.  Like his sexual needs I remember having a friend over and he forced me to have sex with him while she was in the room. I laid there crying while he was raping me.  I had to be in the bath room with him while he showered or bathed. He couldn’t do it by himself. Because I had to be in there to wash his private parts like he was a king of some country. But with growing up with out my father in my life I was so insistent that my son’s father be in his life that I thought letting this continue on was the only way. But little did I know that because I didn’t name his first son, his name sake child, he began to cheat on me while living with me and my mom and her second husband. So when I finally came clean with what was going on I had my mom’s support and she kicked him out of the house, took me to the court house to file for custody and child support. And shortly after we did that, I then started dating who is now my ex husband. Which things with us were good for about 3 years on and off. He had a hard time knowing what he wanted. But he showed extreme interest in becoming apart of not just my life but my son’s life as well. So when my mom and her husband decided to get their own property. I then had to get permission to move to New York with my son from his father. And when we where in the process of doing that, I stayed with my then boyfriends parents house with my son.  We got along well living together I had his mom watch my son while I went to school. I also was working and so when I went to work he took me to work and his mom watched my son while I was at work. But when the trailer was all connected to its pipes and everything, I then moved back into the trailer. I did a lot of summer camping with my boyfriend. I got addicted to Excedrin am and pm and some how got pregnant again. So to do the right thing my boyfriend finished high school joined the navy and then we got married. That marriage lasted 6 months. He lied, cheated, and kept my daughter from me. Because I wanted to be a family. I was a fucking fool for going back to him. He constantly accused me of cheating on him, which how could I do that. I would take my son to school and take care of our daughter, work with my son and his speech therapy because he was a late developer when it came to his number of words he had in his vocabulary.  I also got a job at a pizza shop because even though he was getting paid for his family to be living off base I still needed to buy the things that the kids and I needed. I didn’t get help from him at all other then the roof over our heads and the bills paid. The rest of it was on me. So my schedule worked out to where I worked when he was home from being on base. Unfortunately the allegations of me cheating on him while I was at work and getting a paycheck proving that is where I was, I was still cheating on him. Go fucking figure right? So the fights got really nasty and the communication was non existent. If I told him what was going on with the kids it went in on ear and out the other. So when something happened to one of them while I was at work,  he didn’t remember that I had a doctors visit set up for the following day because I though that my son was coming down with pink and also because he didn’t hear me tell him that my son fell off the toilet when I went to go attend to our daughter because she woke up from her nap. And she was just in the next room from the down stairs bath room. Cps got involved. And ruined my life, because of the mental abuse and how physical the fights got. They took my babies away from me. I then was along. I went to my ex’s co and got him removed from the home and forced to stay on base. The military got a decent case of domestic abuse and destruction of military property that they discharged him with a dishonorable discharge. I was alone in a state with no license no car, one job, my babies in a state home, and no family there to help me. i believe I need to pick this up at another day. The story will continue on.