In to Adult hood
It was the most frighting thing, to be in a different state and no one you really knew. When you in a state like that, you need to have people that you can trust ones that you can count on when you need it, and believe me I needed it. The only thing at that time I knew how to do was work, and talk on-line to where I could meet people in the area that could help me. Which I got four good guy friends out it and also got badly burned by a fifth one. Two of the four guys I still to this day consider as really good friends, they were probably the only perk of being in that state. One of the two close friends was there for me in ways I didn’t expect. he came over when ever I needed, he even knew when I was sinking in a really down phase and came over and helped me clean my house first and second floor. he was there to be the friend I needed. although with everything I have been through the one thing I found my self longing for I didn’t get because he was being a true gentleman. he never took advantage of me, but he made sure I was smiling I got out of the house. he took me shopping for food and house hold things I needed. even took me to see resident evil when it first came out. And watching that movie in a dark theater I still managed to almost jump in his lap from the skinless dobermans coming out of their cages. He was seriously great to me, and cherished his friend ship, when I left I kept in contact with him found out he was going over seas and wrote too him, prayed for his safety, and he never left my mind.
The other gem in the rough was and is one of my best friends, we think alike even when it comes down to strategies to playing magic the gathering, how we like our women, and how we go about with things that happen to us because “it happens for a reason” whether it be for the good or the bad but there is a reason to god and fates plan for us that you just don’t mess with it. He was there for my main distraction I needed, he was and has been extremely sweet to me, he is the kind of guy that would give me the shirt off his back with out question. When I was trying to figure out where I was going to go and how I was getting there he got it to where his mom and his step dad let me come into their home to figure out how I was getting to my home state and home town to get to my roots and rebuild my life. He took me to places to play pool, to out door parties in the neighbor hood, he introduced me to his friends which was really interesting because I found out that one of his friends and her family are tribal cousins of mine or something like that, I know that we are from the same Indian tribe for sure so who knows who and if are ancestors were related. He’d lend me his phone even just so I could keep in contact with CPS and my public defender of a lawyer to get a game plan of what I wanted to do with my children. which when I did call and talk about them he was right there to comfort me and wipe my tears when I would loose it. The other two where good friends one of them I lost contact with for good reasons, him and I just changed so much that it was just painful just being friends with him. He was great with me when we were both in Connecticut but few years later him and I changed so much that he ended it with me. and decided to end it with me not even a month after being with me go figure. But mister washboard abs now he is still on-line friend, I talk with him every now and then, I taught him how to do his taxes on-line all buy him self. He’s still in the same spot same state and still with the same employer as I met him.
The fifth one burnt me badly, I fell way too soon my separation still being fresh and my kids being freshly ripped from my arms. He was sweet to me but basically living a double life, I was at the point where I was so naive to believe that what he was saying was truthful and sincere. I ended up getting pregnant buy him and I was not going to be able to do it on my own I tried calling him multiple times I even showed up at his door, hunted down his friends and he was no where near to be found. so I aborted the baby. Which was against every fiber of my being but I wasn’t there completely mentally emotionally or stable enough to take care of another child. but when he finally decided to return my calls. I told him and made him feel less then dirt, let him know what he was missing out on. And how less of a man I thought he was.
So when I made it to my home state, but not quiet my home town but still in the same area. I got into drinking and experimenting with pot because I realize how low my life was with out everything I knew. I ended up having a mental break down calling my mom asking her to come visit me so I could talk to her one on one about what was going on with my children. When she did come see me, this would be about the biggest decission an 18 year old would have to make. I asked my mom to adopt my kids to get them out of the system. To get them home, with family. It wasn’t just because of the drinking and the experimenting with pot. but because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to afford it on my own. I knew then what I still know now is that I need a partnership just to be able to afford the basics my kids need. I worked until I got it to where I could move back into my home town. lived off of the military spousal abuse compensation pay for a few years. and I think the rest is going to be another days story.
