the one that betrayed me

I got my first apartment in my hometown. It was great I was just outside of town but i was still able to walk to town.  I was at the point where I wasn’t caring about myself anymore, the care of my kids were off my mind and the only thing on my mind at that time was meeting and making new friends and getting out and into  the social world.  I was promiscuous and didn’t care even.  I wasn’t thinking very smart with the money i got from the military,  I blew it on pointless things. Things like drinking and always going out to places for entertainment like movies, pool halls, or even a simple eat n park to bull shit with like all my friends after a movie.  It wasn’t until i got bored with that life style and realized it wasn’t for me.  And also when some forced themselves in my life.  He did everything they could to be noticed by me.  And that is when i started thinking of the old saying of ” don’t look for the ones that don’t want to give you the time of day,  and don’t really look at all.  the one that is right for you will come to you damn near knocking on your door.”  So when he was doing everything to be with me and to have a relationship with me i thought it was a sign of my good things to come. i thought that finally someone good was put into my life for a reason.  and the relationship had its ups and downs like every other relationship or so i thought.  after him and i were together for a year,  he purposed  some true colors started to show.  like obsessiveness  and controlling.  and when i couldn’t get a grasp on my self and who i was because of how much he was trying to change me. i lost all respect to the relationship. i started talking to some of my old friends that i used for my lustrous fix.  but i never did anything with them while him and i were still together or even technically together. because he had me fully wrapped around his finger. i just talk to them to get advise on what he was thinking or doing from another guys perspective. and that sometimes can lead to the “you deserve better than that” speeches. and then i got the give me a chance speeches and it was all too much.  so when i got to the point of feeling like i wanted to leave but did not is what got me into trouble anyways because he snapped and put his hands around my neck three times. at that point i had no choice to leave. my best friend and my love life just did the unthinkable and broke all trust i had with my life, heart, and respect.  So i called my mom bawling my eyes out and had her bail me out of that situation.  surprisingly that was only for a week or so i was at moms. i moved into the apartment we were all planing on moving into, instead of it being three of us sharing it. it was only two of us.  and it was not that bad living there i mean. it was nice and spacious and everything.  of course i was not living there alone. i had a room-mate that was the brother of the one that betrayed me.  and him and i got along well. there was nothing that crossed the line or anything. he looked and still looks to me this day as his little sister because i was at one point going to be part of his family. i was going to be his sister in-law until i got betrayed and had to leave the relationship even though that was extremely hard for me to realize and understand that it was the best for me and for my safety.  I then got to a point where i got in touch with someone who i went to school with and took a vacation for three months.  and lived in Hawaii. I went to where that friend was stationed while he was in the military.  I honestly did not know what to expect when i got there. i just new i needed a change and away from the area because the one that betrayed me was getting back from basic training and i was getting scared because i knew deep down had i not left and gone to Hawaii when i did,  i would have fallen right back and put my self in harms away again.